"School First," chants wild-eyed Stepford Mom

My kids occasionally like to watch “Wife Swap” or “Trading Spouses” just to see how illogical and bizarre (they would say crazy) people are. Obviously since these shows are attempting to be entertaining they choose women from families with lifestyles that are in stark contrast to one another. Often they will trade/swap a creative or quirky wife with a very traditional, conservative wife; or trade a wealthy, materialistic, spoiled wife with one who is poorer, physically hard-working, and lacking luxuries. What fun. My children and I usually think that both women are quite on the fringe of going round the bend. However, the show does illustrate that people seem to make decisions based upon tradition and emotion and then fail to revisit those decisions unless forced to do so. That’s all fine and dandy unless you have children.

During almost every show at least one mom (guess which) goes on a tangent about how school must always come first before any other interest. Women also love to lay down the law as far as chores and housework go. During their rant they never actually back up their opinion with reasoning. Maybe an hour is just not enough time to make sense.

What should come first in a child’s life?

When my mom was growing up (in the 50’s) her parents insisted that chores come first. She had to do chores before school in the morning and before homework in the afternoon. (They didn’t have a TV.) She also had an enforced bedtime. Often, this meant she didn’t have enough time to do homework which in turn means she didn’t do too well in school. I’ve never understood how my grandparents, who were both intelligent and literary types, could put chores before education. It’s almost as though learning were a luxury and they sent their children to school because it was a requirement. It seems they had a Little-House-on-the-Prairie point of view.

What this translated into was a woman who’s greatest talent, her most marketable skill, was cleaning a house. Appearance became her priority. Not exactly a lofty goal. Sure, it made for an exemplary housewife and that’s all fine and dandy until her husband left her unwell at mid-life. Can we define “destitute?”

Then you have women who tell children that school always comes first before any other interest or skill. Some children have strong talents and passions for subjects such as art, music, theater, dance, a sport, cooking, gardening, astronomy etc., etc. Yet they will be told “school first” before allowing the child time to pursue their gifts. Why? Without being emotional or just regurgitating the SOS you’ve heard all your life, ask yourself “What is the purpose of school?” Is it to make good grades? Is it to keep a child occupied while mom and dad are working? Is it a place where kids are indoctrinated day after day for 12+ years to be “good” citizens? Is it a place to learn; and, if so, learn what? How to survive the social labyrinth? Algebra? The works of Shakespeare? These are extremely important questions. It seems the only people asking these questions are the people who have a financial interest in the answers. Parents seem too pre-occupied with the mortgage and far too trusting of the entrenched education system which they themselves were subject to.

Parents’ definitive responsibility is to raise their children with love and care to be independent adults. That’s it. That’s the job. School is a tool. Parents can use it to their children’s benefit and/or the system will use it to its benefit. What does your child need to know to be an independent adult? We could probably all agree that every person needs to be able to read and write. (We’re in trouble already.) Every person needs to be able to do basic business math. (Easy stuff with calculators and computers.) Every person should know basic world geography and have at least overview knowledge of world history. Every American should know what the Constitution says so that we all know how the government is SUPPOSED to work. Every person should have a general understanding of biology, health, and ecology. Every person should be able to do self-directed research. These are all basics. These things don’t take eight hours a day, nine months per year for 12+ years to learn. The basics, if done right, are a part-time, temporary gig. It's a foundation not a house.

To be independent adults children must discover and hone their talents in their fields of interests. This is the crescendo and climax of childhood. It is the purpose for which they were born. It is more important for a musician to practice their instrument than to learn algebra. It is more important for an aspiring chef to cook than to study Shakespeare. It is more important for a future chemist to study chemistry and experiment than to play basketball in gym class.

This life passes in a flash. School is not first. Chores are not first. The children themselves and the gifts they carry are first. Otherwise, all is lost.