I was researching schools and came across a charter school’s dress code. Apparently their dress code is precious to them – they ranted on about it more than academics. It goes a little something like this:
“Hair must be clean, neat and styled traditionally. Only natural colors are allowed. No unusual or radical hairstyles. Boy’s hair should not touch the shoulder or hang in the eyes. No facial hair is allowed. No more than two necklaces may be worn at one time. No more than two bracelets may be worn on each wrist (for girls). (One bracelet per wrist for boys.) No more than two rings may be worn on each hand (for girls). (One ring per hand for boys.) Earrings will be limited to two per ear and must not be oversized (for girls). (Boys could not wear earrings.) Makeup must look natural (girls only). Black, brown, or dark blue nail polish and lipstick are not acceptable. No tank tops.Hooded sweatshirts may be worn to school (as an outer garment), but not in school. The cuff of the pants may not touch the ground, but must touch the top of the shoe. Shirts must have collars. Tailored dress shirts must be tucked in. No writing on shoes. Shoelaces must match.”
Do you think they police belly button lint or halitosis? There’s your visual on the dress code of the sheeple. Only someone willing to sell their soul could agree to such a wing clipping. “If you can't get them to salute when they should salute and wear the clothes you tell them to wear, how are you going to get them to die for their country?” – General George S. Patton.
Dress codes have nothing to do with learning. Dress codes are about control and conformity. It states “whatever you do… don’t think for yourself.” Dress codes are yet one more common practice that gives the finger to the Golden Rule.
“The Fashion Police” is a show where beautiful people with (often) beautiful clothes are critiqued by people who are not. How does that work? Can’t Joan Rivers find a better outlet for her acerbic wit? There’s plenty in this world that needs some criticism. Joan is talented and looks pretty (artificially) good until she opens her mouth on that show and then suddenly she looks like a bitter old crone. No plastic surgery can fix that.
It’s like the show “What Not to Wear.” You can watch two shows and you’ve seen it all. You can check that off your list. It’s the same shit over and over. The only thing that changes is the mannequin. The “after” pictures all say “Even though I said at the beginning of the show I want to be different and express myself, I’m more comfortable dressing like everyone else. I do what I’m told because otherwise I couldn’t be on TV.” I think they’ve been brainwashed by $5,000 and two fashion slaves. I haven’t seen anything original in fashion for over 20 years (at least). The fashion industry is a dog chasing its own tail and they think we don’t know. Their “seasons” are about as surprising as nature’s seasons. It’s like a twenty-something criticizing some out-of-favor fashion from the 80s when she’s standing there looking like a Marsha Brady clone.
Ok, here’s my wake-the-hell-up speech to Stacy and Clinton:
* Most floral prints look like bed sheets. No one wants to look like a walking mattress.
* Flip flops are not half as ugly as most of those pointy pumps you tell just about every woman is flattering.
* Most people’s flannel Wal-Mart pajamas are better looking than the majority of the things you two wear. (Especially Clinton – sorry dude, but argyle sweater vests are for girls.) As long as people are covered, clean and comfy who gives a shit if they wear their pajamas out in public? They’re just clothes. Is your underwire push-up bra and butt-floss thongs bothering you so much that you just can’t stand to see someone comfortable in public? A fit body looks good in almost anything. An un-fit body doesn’t look good in anything. I don’t care how much money you wrap it in.
* Small fitted jackets look good only on very small/thin people (like elementary kids). Stop putting women in them. They look like they stuffed themselves into something they outgrew 30 years ago.
* Princess cuts are cute on toddlers and pregnant women. No one else. No, it’s not sexy.
* If “everybody” is wearing a particular style then it’s not cool. So all those people on your show striving (usually unsuccessfully) to look cool obviously fail miserably when you put them in the same flavor crapola you put the last 50 people in.
Here’s some basic, universal fashion sense: If a body part is not beautiful – cover it up. If it jiggles cover it up. Men, unless you are ripped, hot, and lean (like Duff [http://www.myspace.com/duffsmckagan]) then don’t say a word about a woman needing to lose weight. Some of you guys run around with your “awnings” and have the nerve to talk about a woman’s cellulite. I don’t think so. Go critique your convex self in the three-way. And what is it about our culture that thinks women should show off their bodies while men are covered and generally comfortable? Women, take a hint – no tits and ass revelation at work unless you are willing to do the boss and then we’re all clear on that. Women aren’t considered well dressed unless they are showing off their bodies. (If they are beautiful that’s inspirational and you go girl, but most are not.) Bulges, bulges everywhere waving at us through fitted fabrics! It’s one thing to have them, it’s another thing to let us all in on your little muffin-top secret. I don’t want to see cleavage. I have my own, thank you. I’m not impressed with yours. If you don’t have visible quads then you don’t have nice legs … cover them up. And women with their sky high, pointy, screw-me pumps. Geez! Really? Save it for a special occasion like an awards ceremony or a pole dance on Valentine’s Day. They’re the modern equivalent of corsets … except corsets look better. Why are women willing to be in pain half the day in an attempt to look attractive but your average guy would scoff at the very idea? If you want to be in pain to look good channel that effort into something that works. (It requires sweating and persistent self-denial.)
Men’s suits: How is it that men get away with wearing something that literally has been around for centuries and yet be considered well dressed? A tie is a cross between a bib and a leash. They only look good if they're not taken seriously. (Check out Tommy: http://rws-blog.rhapsody.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/06/25/motleycrue_4.jpg) If you have a dominatrix fetish put your tie/leash in the same box as her do-me pumps and keep it to yourself. And why are men afraid of color? You walk into a men’s clothing department and you see white, brown, khaki, blue, grey and black. Is there something about your one-legged chromosome that lends toward Chromophobia?
Why do many men bitch and whine about losing their hair but keep it cut super pubic-hair short even when they have a head full? If you like it … let it grow a bit; if you don’t … let it go. Personally, I think head hair is one of the potentially attractive things about humans. It’s a mystery as to why only women and some creative types grasp that. Men, that’s a clue.
As we are constantly reminded, you can’t regulate taste. You can make dress codes in exhaustive detail and some people will still look boring and shabby even when they try to follow the fashion experts’ seasonal advice. (How can a color be “new” this season?) That’s the problem though. Creative, independent people don’t follow. Naughty wolves.
In the words of Keith Richards regarding cool: “It just is, or you ain’t.” (Rolling Stone May 31, 2007) Wolf.
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