Mate shopping and baby making

Life is hard. Being a parent is harder. Being married is the hardest of all.

I know that when hormones, passions, eye-candy, crushes and love are in the mix reason is victim number one; however maybe if people would set their own goals early maybe disaster could be averted rather than regretted.

Since dating is, in reality, shopping for a mate no one under 18 should be dating. What good does it do? If you go out with someone and there’s no chemistry then you blow it off as a waste of time – good riddance. It’s not really about “being friends” (guys at least get that and girls need to learn it). If there is chemistry then it’s just a matter of time before nature takes its course. I know it’s true. You know it’s true. And when nature takes its course so do unwanted pregnancies and STDs and then begins the incessant whining and moaning and bitching and crying. STFU. You signed up for this. It’s Biology 101.

The least people can do is wait until they would actually stand some chance of dealing with the consequences.

People should date (not live together) for two years before making it official (in any way – sex, cohabitation, engagement, marriage whatever). Please know this: whatever you see in them that you don’t like during dating you need to realize THEY WILL ALWAYS HAVE THAT TRAIT. People rarely change and when they do it takes monumental effort on their part (and the grace of God). Nothing you do or say is going to change them. It’s not about understanding or talking it out or reasoning or love or whatever. So if they annoy you on date number one with bad table manners they will annoy you 20 years later with bad table manners and 40 years later and 60 years later. Picture that: elbows on the table – the whole nine yards. Maybe they’re rude. Maybe they don’t like to cook. Maybe they don’t like to clean the house. Maybe they are bad with money. Maybe they spend too much time watching football. Maybe they have a tendency towards being superficial and self-centered or materialistic. Whatever it is it’s probably there to stay. Accept it or end it. Don’t rationalize it.

No one should get married until they have all their education completed for whatever career they choose. Marriage is distracting. Parenthood makes continuing education very difficult. It’s not your kid’s fault you didn’t keep the horse in front of the cart.

Tradition is crashing headlong into modern expectations in relationships. Often people will say they believe in modern 50-50 roles but will subconsciously hold more traditional expectations such as women marrying for financial security and men expecting their wives to also be house wives. They may not realize the double standard themselves until it’s in their faces.

Since rent and mortgages suck the life out of everyone, people (especially young women) should live at home with their parent(s) if it is possible until they save enough money to pay cash for a house. It won’t take that long and they’ll be free. It should go without saying that every woman should be able to financially support herself. Who wouldn’t want to anyway?

Men should not get married until their careers are well underway and they are independent enough to do all their own housework, bill paying, clothes shopping/washing and cooking, etc. He doesn’t have to be a neat freak but he shouldn’t be expecting his wife to act like a maid or his mom. I’ve heard women say “The way to keep a man is to be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom.” Probably true; but it’s completely off the wretched scale. A man who can’t take care of himself is not ready for marriage and certainly not vaguely attractive to any self-respecting woman.

And then (maybe) comes baby.

Like it or not a child needs a full-time mother the first year of his/her life. A child needs a full-time parent the first three years of life (mom and/or dad in years two and three). A child needs to be with family or those who are like family the first five years of life. (Grandparents, aunts, uncles, close family friends are ok in years four and five.) This means for virtually 24/7 a young child needs these people around to care for him/her the first five years not some person grossing minimum wage. Children should be adored full time. They need that. It’s a requirement for a healthy human. If you cannot provide that then don’t have kids. It’s really simple. Pregnancy is not a mystery. You can have your orgasms without procreating. The entire Earth population of 6+ billion people doesn’t need to reproduce anyway. Let’s go for quality rather than quantity. Otherwise it’s species suicide.

I know some really nice people who have 4, 5, 6, and 7 kids. There’s only two ways to look at it: 1) they are saying “screw the planet,” there are enough resources for me and mine tough rocks for you, or 2) my kids don’t really need individual attention, I can shepherd them like a herd in my Suburban. Newsflash: you CANNOT BE A GOOD PARENT TO MORE THAN FOUR KIDS. Mom has 24 hours minus at least 12 for sleeping, bathing, eating, exercising, etc. That leaves 12 hours for one child, six hours per child for two, four hours per child for three, three hours for four, less than 2½ hours for five, two hours for six and less than two hours for seven. Of course, the younger they are the more hands-on time they need which robs the older ones of their measly two or three hours and who, in exchange for childhood, get to play pseudo parent. This is assuming mom does nothing else which applies to zero women I know. If you want a career you might want to limit yourself to one child unless you can be really flexible. Having a herd of kids is selfish just like having kids “so someone will take care of you when you’re old.”

I’ve been told by some people, “We decided to have as many kids as God would give us.” (Translation: birth control sucks and I love babies.) That’s like never checking the street before you cross it because “We decided God will protect us.” God gave you a brain and I’m confident he expects you to use it… first.

I know this is a buzz kill for the starry-eyed. I also know a lot of people will be offended at the “unrealistic” standards but I am sick of dealing with other people’s default decisions. The world is crawling with fucked up disregarded people and we can’t afford any more. Where do they come from? Idiots who forced upon them crappy childhoods that look like this: a bottle full of formula in a nursery down the hall, day care or nannies, bullies and bitches, public or boarding school, mom’s exhausted, dad’s distracted and turn that shit down.

I am absolutely certain that if every child had a quality childhood immense amounts of misery would have been and will be avoided.